Xenogears: Father Figure
by Ankh're
Everything is different after night falls, isn't it?
Needs change, wants change, people change, the world changes...
I watch you as you're sleeping, and I never want to leave you.
Awake, you're a laughing demon-prince, ever-moving and never- caring.
But alseep you're the most fragile of angels, with that soft sun mane
falling over your face as you try to hide from the world.
They scarred more than they knew years ago, didn't they -- your heart
was as torn as much, more, than your flesh ever was. And you still
don't understand what happened, why it happened.
You may hide this from the world, dear one, but it will never be hidden
from me.
If you only knew...
If I only dared to tell you...
But no. This is what you want -- what you need -- I can feel this from
the depths of both our souls. The guardian has become more than just
a guardian...
I suppose that I should not be so surprised, really. There has been no
other constant in your life, why would you not turn to one you've known
all your life?
I remember when your father died. I remember my only goal being to
take two terrified children away to safety. And I remember how, even
then, you clung to me as others cling to their faith. Never once did
you question my reason for being there in the first place...
Did I become your father, over time? I did, didn't I. It's in every
line and look of you;
your father is here, not a mangled corpse, caged, fed to vultures.
Father-guardian-mentor-companion...
I would think myself damned, if I did not know why I do this. And
fire or storm, I will keep you innocent of guilt. This is what you
want, and what you need, and I swore to you that I would always be
here for you.
...And I am grateful, in some twisted manner, that I could not know,
in the way I do now, how much else tore within you when I was taken.
It burned, when I saw you for the first time in years. I didn't think
-- or, perhaps, simply didn't want to know -- how much pain my
disappearance has caused. Damn Solaris...in their mad desire to prove
themselves superior ('little gods', perhaps? Such a charming phrase,
Hyu...), they will cover this world in heart-flames...
...Don't shiver like that...
Here, I'm here. There, that's better isn't it? With your sun-gold
hair falling over us both...yes, this is much better.
You aren't precisely going to enjoy everything that will happen in
the coming days. Far from it, in fact. Too much to learn, too
quickly, and some of the lessons will be cruel. And with every hurt
and angry look you give me, with those sapphire eyes, I am going to
wither inside. I don't want to hurt you, but I must.
Another nightmare. I should have known. Shh, I am here, you aren't
alone...
Cold fear eats away at you like frozen acid, dear one. I should have
been here, and I was not...it will not happen again.
There will not be another scar, to add to the dead scorings across
your tawny skin and fragile heart. Not while I still live. I will
never leave you again.
Sleep, desert angel. Tomorrow, you learn to fly.
* * *
Why did you change so much? Or were you always like that? I don't
remember.
I do remember when you left, and it's not happening again. Don't
know why, but I'm positive of that.
Good.
I don't ever want to be alone again. That bit. But I'm older now,
so everything's working out just fine. Now all I have to do is get
you to tell me where you went.
I wonder how long I can keep acting? Forever, I guess. As long as
the rest don't know I don't care...because I think he does anyway,
so it doesn't matter.
...Mmm, that's nice...I wish I could ask you to do that during the
day...they'd all go berzerk if you played with my hair on deck, I
bet...
...Cold...where am I...no...
...Home. Right here, right now. I want to be here forever...where
the only thing I have to wonder about is that funny amber tint your
skin has now. Why were you halfway across the bed before? I want
you to stay right here with me.
...That's better. You're warm..I want to stay like this forever.
...Don't pet my hair, I want to stay awake...mmm...never mind....